


The Broom Closet

by lilyfanciesprongs



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-11-07 19:00:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11065155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilyfanciesprongs/pseuds/lilyfanciesprongs
Summary: A broom closet, a hex, and a throroughly agitated, enraged Head Boy and Head Girl. One-shot written for Tumblr's Jily October/Jilytober Fest 2015. Rated for language and brief adult content. COMPLETE.





	The Broom Closet

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All recognizable names, characters and places belong to JK Rowling.

 

“ _POTTER!_ ”

Six years of being addressed thus left no doubt in James’ mind as to who, exactly, was calling his surname in such an angered tone, and he turned almost lazily to look at the witch who was hurrying down the corridor towards him. She came at him in a blur of red, wavy hair, her cheeks flushed and her bright green eyes almost glowing with anger. She wasn’t wearing her robe, but her uniform was otherwise impeccable, though her skirt fluttered around her thighs at a length a few inches shy of what he knew was allowed at Hogwarts, and he couldn’t help but let his gaze linger on her milky skin as she approached him.

“Yes, Evans? How may I help you on this fine afternoon?”

“I cannot believe what you did!” she exclaimed.

“I haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about,” he almost grinned, but it only infuriated her further. Lily’s eyes narrowed and the next thing James knew, she’d grabbed him by the ear and was shoving him into the nearest broom closet.

“Oi—Evans, quit it—what are you playing at— _ow!_ —Evans, would you be so kind as to release me and explain why you’re manhandling me?”

She let go of his ear, which was now bright red, opening the single window in the back wall of the broom closet to let in some air before rounding on him. “Don’t try to play the idiot card, Potter, it doesn’t suit you. I saw that hex you just shot at Bertram Aubrey.”

He rubbed the offended ear. “Is that what’s got your knickers in a twist?”

“Why would you even do something like that?”

“He was aggravating me,” James said simply.

Lily stared disbelievingly at him. “He was talking to me, asking for my Charms notes; he wasn’t doing a single damned thing to you! And now his head is swollen to twice its size, he can’t even walk—two Hufflepuffs had to carry him off to the Hospital Wing!”

“I don’t see how this concerns you,” James shot back.

“You’re Head Boy and I’m Head Girl and that gives me every right to get involved! Agrippa’s sake, you can’t just put people who aggravate you in the Hospital Wing every time you feel like it!”

“Why don’t you just dock points like a good Head Girl and stay the hell out of other people’s business?” he was shouting now, all notion of calm forgotten.

“Why don’t you just grow up and accept that you _can’t sodding hex people_ just because you want to?” she shrieked. “What is your problem?”

“You, alright?” he burst out. “You’re my problem!”

Lily’s eyebrows rose in disbelief. “Me?”

“Yes, you!” James ran a hand through his hair. “You stand there in all your ginger glory, lecturing me with your holier-than-thou attitude and supposed higher moral ground when I know for a fact _you_ spilled a cauldron of Swelling Solution on Holly Edgecombe in Potions last week for _no apparent reason_ other than the fact that seconds prior, she’d been talking to me!”

Lily blushed right up to the roots of her flaming hair, but nonetheless stared him down. “She was fine, Professor Slughorn sorted her out in seconds—”

“Not before her hands were big enough to throttle the average hippogriff—”

“And it was an _accident_ , in any case—”

“Oh, a likely story!”

“Why would I purposely spill Swelling Solution on Holly Edgecombe?”

“Search me! Maybe for the same reason I just inflated Bertram Aubrey’s head!”

Lily’s eyes widened. “How dare you! I’ll have you know, Potter, that I do not find the same sick pleasure you do in magically inflicting harm upon anyone who crosses me!”

“So you’ll admit you _were_ angry at Holly Edgecombe for talking to me?”

“Only if you’ll admit _you_ were pissed off by Bertram Aubrey asking me for my Charms notes!”

“Bertram Aubrey is a lowly wanker!”

“Holly Edgecombe is a daft cow!”

“And you’re a self-righteous prig!”

“Says the incorrigible tosser!”

“I cannot believe I spent so much time chasing after you and asking you out!” he exclaimed, sounding actually horrified with himself.

“Beats me why you kept at it when I clearly wanted fuck-all to do with you—it must’ve taken months for the notion to even get through your thick skull into that shrivelled-up jelly bean you call a brain!”

He actually laughed at that, a dry, mirthless cackle. “Your words wound me, Evans!” he grasped his heart. “Tell me, do you come up with these insults on the go, or do you practice them every night before bed?”

“Oh, please,” Lily tossed back her hair. “Like I would waste any time thinking about a half-wit berk like you!”

“You’re barking mad, I hope you know that!”

“Honestly, Potter, have you ever even _heard_ of ‘the pot calling the kettle black’?”

“Witty, Evans, really, did you practice that one last night?”

“I literally cannot wait until we graduate and I never have to lay eyes on your pasty, arrogant face and that loathsome little smirk ever again!”

“Pasty? The girl who’s got about as much colour on her skin as Nearly Headless Nick is calling me pasty? Shit, try standing in the sun for five minutes and let me know how that works out for you, Evans!”

“Oh, someone alert the Daily Prophet, Potter’s just discovered he can tan better than a ginger! That’s got to make the front page!”

“I cannot believe I hexed Bertram Aubrey for you!”

“And I can’t believe I wasted a perfectly good batch of Swelling Solution for _you_!”

James had apparently reached his breaking point. Taking two short, swift steps to close the distance between them, he pinned Lily to the wall and kissed her, hard. Her response was immediate, one hand fisted in his already messy hair and the other gripping his tie as she kissed him back with reckless abandon. Her teeth latched onto his lower lip, and his grip on her hips tightened when she bit him. They might have continued for several minutes had the door to the broom closet not opened at that precise second.

“Potter! Evans!”

They broke apart at the sound of McGonagall’s voice, and Lily shoved James away so fast his head spun. McGonagall looked positively appalled at the sight of them, her eyes wide.

“It’s bad enough your shouting match could be heard halfway across the castle, but to find you two—the Heads of this school, no less—in this kind of debauchery, honestly! Twenty points from Gryffindor! _Each!_ And detention this Friday, for the both of you!”

They both suppressed a groan, but had the good sense to look properly ashamed of themselves and the rumpled appearance they’d acquired in the short time they’d been pressed against the wall of the tiny broom closet.

“I never would’ve believed this of you, Lily!” McGonagall looked at her, but Lily was regrettably not brave enough to look her in the eye. “And you!” she turned to James, who actually flinched at the sound of her voice. “I’ve heard what you did to Bertram Aubrey, Potter. So let’s add another two Fridays of detentions for that.”

James paled slightly, and he didn’t even attempt to speak a word for a full minute after McGonagall sent them on their way up to Gryffindor tower. Lily didn’t speak either, not until they’d entered the common room and James made his way to the staircase that lead up to the boy’s dormitories.

“Potter?”

He looked back, his foot resting on the bottom step of the stairs. “Yeah?”

Lily tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “Are you going down to Hogsmeade on Saturday?”

The left corner of James’ mouth twitched, almost as if he were preparing to smirk. “I might,” he shrugged. “Why?”

“I know someone who might want to go with you,” she answered, a slight twinkle in the already bright green of her eyes.

“Do you?” he asked and when she nodded, he looked thoughtful for a moment before running a hand through his hair. “Do you think she’d say yes if I asked her?”

Lily smiled only a bit, making her way towards the girls’ staircase. “I think the odds are in your favour.”

It was he who spoke, stopping her on the third step of the staircase. “How about we meet in the entrance hall at noon?”

Lily didn’t turn, but James thought he could hear a hint of a grin in her answer. “Don’t you dare be late, Potter.”


End file.
